CROSSING CHARTED WATERS: REVIEWING EVERY NUMBER ONE SINGLE OF 2020
You need only read the opening lines of any year round up being flung onto your timeline to be reminded that this year was like no other. So, with this in mind, I will not offer my personal platitudes on the emotional and historical timeline of this year as I am by no means qualified to deliver a stirring account of the most turbulent and world-changing year this generation has ever seen. What I am no more qualified to do but will do anyway is use statistics to look back on the year. The UK Singles Chart statistics.
I was 13 the last time I religiously followed the Top 10 and would buy as many songs from the iTunes store my £15 Christmas gift card would allow. A simpler time, when LMFAO had just invented house music and Ellie Goulding was pioneering song writing. In a time when nothing makes sense, it seems only natural to return to the hallowed rigidity of chart rankings to check the pulse of the nation and find out if 2020 gave us very little else, did it give us any good Number 1 Hit Singles?
Using the non-user-friendly wilderness that is the Official Charts website as a source, I will journey through the number one of each week in chronological order to give you my unsolicited two cents and a whimsical ranking of buses out of 5 for each. Without more filibustering, let us begin reliving 2020 in the most honourable way I know how: through songs validated by copious amounts of Spotify streams and endless TikTok loops.
OWN IT - STORMZY ft. ED SHEERAN AND BURNA BOY - 🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌
Ah, January! An innocent time when the clubs still heaved and the new decade dawned with hope and ambition, we thought we could Own It. I welcome this song with open arms to begin my journey back in time. From the moment it opens I am elsewhere, anywhere but my teenage bedroom with a half-eaten easy peeler and an off-brand Lidl corona at 1:58pm. Perhaps a beach bar as the sun sets, could be Zante, could be Antigua – either will do me just fine as long as this song is playing. Little known fact: the same scientists that discovered the COVID-19 vaccine recently did a comprehensive study that shows that it is impossible not to dance to this song. This song is what 2020 was supposed to be: laid back and catchy with the inescapable presence of Ed Sheeran.
This song rolls on in the number 1 spot for two more weeks and it’s clear that for reasons of consistency and journalistic integrity I’ll have to listen to it again… what a shame…
In conclusion, despite the fact that at the same time as this song was gracing the radio we were crawling out of the EU, this song's 3 week reign is a nations choice we can all get behind.
GODZILLA - EMINEM FT JUICE WRLD – 🚌🚌🚌
For the last week of January, Eminem arrived, hung around for a week and left. Does anyone remember this song? Because I didn’t and although I just listened to it for this research I still don’t. There are some satisfying parts, like Eminem’s speed record-breaking 7.23 words per second verse. Spotify suggested Lil Nas X’s Holiday to me after this and I liked that much more. Do with that what you will.
BEFORE YOU GO - LEWIS CAPALDI – 🚌🚌🚌🚌
Ah, our roughish Lothian friend joins us in week 5. At this point in the year, he was still somewhat riding the I-am-so-shocked-to-be-famous-im-just-a-lad-who-talks-about-chicken-parm-at-the-grammys wave and to speak candidly, I was lapping it up. The thing about Lewis Capaldi is as well as being irresistibly good banter on Instagram, his songs actually do slap and this one, despite not having the wrench your heart out and serve it on a kebab rotator beltability that Somebody You Loved had, is no exception.
A forlorn tragedy of a pop song as number one foreshadowing the months to come perhaps?
BLINDING LIGHTS - THE WEEKND - 🚌🚌🚌🚌
Well well well... Here it is. I knew it was coming but I wasn’t expecting it so soon. Alas, here in the unassuming second week of February the Weeknd TikTok danced into our lives then moved into our living rooms and didn’t get off the sofa for 8 weeks. That’s right, 8 weeks (although it was intermiddedly interrupted). Again, for my Emily Maitlis levels of journalistic integrity, I have hit replay on this and the fact that I'm tapping my toe speaks for itself. You might think that’s it’s permeance in the charts might mean that we are all so blinded by the lights that we’ll never see again, but once the jerking flashbacks of when the pandemic was at its most pandemonious are overcome, it’s a great song, an almost perfect hit.
NO TIME TO DIE - BILLIE EILISH - 🚌🚌
Like the maverick she is, it was Billie Eilish who managed to tip the Weeknd off that sofa for one week only with the new Bond theme for the new Bond film that still hasn’t come out. To again speak candidly, which I am surely obliged to do: for me, this song is boring. Does Eilish’s voice sound great and slinky? Yes it does. Are any of my hairs standing on end? No, and I have a lot of hair.
ROSES - SAINT JHN - 🚌🚌🚌
The opening of this song is reminiscent of a funeral toll, which might reflect the fact that by late March we’d stopped affectionately calling it the Rona as the tragedy of the pandemic was clear. I had only heard this song on TikTok before now and now that we’re getting re-acquainted it’s much less TikTok than I remembered and much spookier yet relaxed.
YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE - CAPTAIN TOM MOORE, MICHAEL BALL & The NHS VOICES OF CARE CHOIR - 🚌🚌🚌
Of course. Of course, the only force powerful enough to knock Blinding Lights’ resurgence in the charts is Sir Captain Tom Moore himself. This song, with its orchestral sweeps and choral moments is rousing, I cannot deny. Since it was part of Sir Tom’s remarkable efforts to successfully raise £26million for the NHS and certainly signifies the poignant national atmosphere of the time, it’s position on top of the charts is deserved and satisfying despite the fact that Sir Tom is not vocally up to scratch and is flatter than the lilo I never got to lay on this summer.
TIMES LIKE THESE – RADIO 1 STAY AT HOME CHARITY SINGLE - 🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌
I always love these charity singles where it’s a medley of singers and bands because since they only have a line or two, the singers give it so much effort to stand out that they add all kinds of juicy ad-libs and riffs. This song was already flames and the DIY covers from bands at home DOES capture the lockdown spirit. My personal favourite is AJ Tracey’s homage to social distancing with “right now I wanna see Ladbroke Grove empty, you get me?”. You and me both AJ, you and me both.
TOOSIE SLIDE – DRAKE – 🚌🚌🚌🚌
This song is an atmospheric, catchy and reflective bop. I love it. I really appreciate that Drake breaks down the routine and lauds its simplicity throughout the song because either way all we really are going to do is slide. It only loses a bus for being a bit repetitive.
ROCKSTAR - DABABY FT. RODDY RICCH – 🚌🚌🚌
We’re in late May now and TikTok’s impenetrable rule had never been more apparent. I submitted a long time ago and I suggest if you haven’t already, you do too reader. I would argue is THE quintessential TikTok song and by the logic that TikTok is literally all I spent my 2020 doing, this should be my song of 2020. But it isn’t because I can’t think of that many things I like about it, but it gets 3 buses because of the almost lute vibe transporting me to the Tudor court.
RAIN ON ME - LADY GAGA & ARIANA GRANDE – 🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌
There were days in early June that I heard this song over 7 times throughout the day on the radio and funnily enough I didn’t have that many complaints. I hope Chromatica doesn’t have a UK travel ban because I want to go there. I hope it’s like Lanzarote but with more utopian cyborgs. This song is the pop orgy we didn’t know we wanted.
SAVAGE LOVE (LAXED - SIREN BEAT) - JAWSH 685 & JASON DERULO – 🚌🚌🚌
It’s sweaty July and this song reigned supreme with its omnipotent ruler, the artistic chameleon, Derulo. Being the artistic chameleon he is, Derulo found a way to infiltrate 2020 and although his presence is a reassuringly stable one in times of trouble, this song is just too annoying. I would rather listen to the Mii plaza music on a loop for the rest of my life than listen to this song ever again. That being said, his adaptability must be applauded. Indeed, to quote Deruloligist Ellie Jeans he “is no longer stuck in time as the man in the fedora singing his own name in 2009, but has come racing into 2020 with his TikToks (which have the CGI of a marvel film) and the viral song on the app “Savage Love”, a catchy yet poetic ode to the tribulations of love in a way that puts even the Bard to shame”. Also Jawsh 685 sounds like the username of someone that would cyberbully me on Club Penguin so it loses a bus.
HEAD & HEART - JOEL CORRY FT. MNEK – 🚌🚌🚌
This song was number 1 for six weeks uninterrupted like an oil baron stewing in its riches, which makes it statistically the song of the summer and I couldn’t really tell you why. It is quite pleasingly catchy so it gets 3 buses for that and the fact that someone commented on Joel Corry’s Instagram saying this song cheered them up on the way home from their dads funeral so that is nice.
WAP - CARDI B FT. MEGAN THEE STALLION - 🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌
It brings me great joy to reveal that the majestically powerful juggernaut that is WAP managed to oust Head & Heart from the top spot in September. This song is perfect, from the gloriously phallic imagery of the video to how it ruffled Ben Shapiro’s feathers. With the operatically fitting use of Frank Ski's 1993 Baltimore club single "Whores in This House" making this song hard to forget, this song reminded us all to tend to our WAPs in September and we’re all the better for it.
MOOD - 24KGOLDN FT. IANN DIOR – 🚌🚌🚌
When it asks, “Why are you always in a mood?” it sounds like my parents when I came home for Christmas earlier this month. So, for that it loses a couple of buses.
LEMONADE - INTERNET MONEY FT. DON TOLIVER, GUNNA, NAV – 🚌🚌🚌
This song gets 3 buses because I love lemonade. I love lemonade so much that once when I was 11 I drank so much of it I threw up on the lawn and it was so acidic it burnt the grass and it didn’t grow back for 5 years. Other than this instant win, this song ultimately isn’t that exciting despite having so many features that they definitely couldn’t gather outdoors under the UK’s current restrictions.
POSITIONS - ARIANA GRANDE – 🚌🚌🚌🚌
Ariana may be switching positions but her chart position certainly didn’t… for six weeks.
This song is dynamic and fun. We love an eclectic use of violin and I hope to one day see an enthusiastic Guildhall graduate join the Ariana Grande World Tour to deliver the electric violin flawlessly, flanked by 30 of Ariana’s dancers writing in a spellbinding routine at Wembley Stadium.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU – MARIAH CAREY – 🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌
From one vocal Empress to one of the original Queens. I grant this song 5 buses because it is the definitive Christmas song and slaps accordingly. I’m no scrooge and do love Christmas songs so I know it is blasphemous when I say that I’m slightly bored of this song. I am prepared, with lightweight clothing and plenty of water, to take the heat for this sentiment.
DON'T STOP ME EATIN' – LADBABY – 🚌🚌🚌🚌
As our voyage through Charted waters drops anchor with this year’s Christmas Number One, it seems only fitting that we end with the memery we all need. Written and performed by LadBaby from “I Love Sausage Rolls” fame to raise money for the Trussell Trust, this song has the self awareness to say of itself ‘Just when you think it can get any worse, it does’. It is, however, a noble cause and in many ways full of moving relatable sentiments like “A sausage roll for a shielding mate (Yes, mate), In a bag thrown over the gate”. Much better than the Glee version.
Wading through the comprehensive soup that is the 2020 UK Official Charts has been a riot. Even if some of these singles won’t make it to the coveted spot between Steely Dan and Taylor Swift on my current playlist, these were the statistical sounds of the year and they got the nation through so for that, they deserve all the buses in the world. Apart from Savage Love, I would like to be run over with all three of the buses I ranked it with if I ever have to listen to that again.
MY PICKS OF THE NUMBER 1s
Own It
WAP
Both celebratory masterpieces.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS OF SONGS THAT WERE IN THE TOP 10 BUT NEVER MADE IT TO NUMBER ONE BUT STILL SLAP
Savage - Megan Thee Stallion ft.Beyonce
Say So - Doja Cat
Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles
Cardigan - Taylor Swift
Only You Freestyle – Headie One and Drake