A Love Letter to Female Friendships
Having spent seven years at an all-girls secondary school, perhaps I can now consider myself an expert in female friendship. Alongside my peers, I experienced the varied highs and lows that came with spending every hour of my education with other girls. By the end, my friends and I were eager to leave, but we did so with an appreciation for the strength we felt we had gained from spending so much time exclusively with members of the same sex.
I didn’t leave school feeling strong because I believed I had survived a seven-year ordeal: finally released from the stereotypes of bitchiness and betrayal that come with the label of an all-girls’ school. Instead, I left unable to believe my luck in finding in stimulating and enjoyable female friendships. Through the drumming monotony of A-levels, each long day tinged with a sense of dread, my friends were there for me and we were there for each other.
Now, when I spend time with my closest female friends - friends I made at school, outside of school or at university - we often end up talking about what we feel we’ve gained from having each other in our lives. My feelings towards my closest girl friends are as strong, if not stronger, than any kind of romantic love I have experienced. I find within my most valuable female friendships endless support, loyalty and encouragement. Gone are the days of unhealthy competitiveness and resentment at the other’s success. Instead, we relish in each other's triumphs, no matter how small... Whether it be finishing a difficult day at work, making it through an anxiety inducing event or just acknowledging that “yes, your poached eggs do look really good”, suddenly there is great positivity to be found in female friendships. We are a sounding board for each other’s ideas (from outfits to possible career plans), a trusted place where one can vent unjudged because the wonderful thing is you know you could do the same in a second and not feel compromised.
It may seem an old cliché, but there’s nothing like a group of girl-friends coming together in a time of crisis. I’m sure countless aching hearts have been listened to, consoled, picked up and put back together all in the space of one last minute lunch date between friends. Long phone - calls, late-night visits and carefully packaged together care-parcels demonstrate a kind of empathy and understanding that swings into action between women during times of need.
Boys can be equally invaluable in times of trouble, and I don’t want to undervalue male relationships for a second, but I think that there is a special rarity in the mutual happiness two women can benefit from in a healthy friendship. Friendships between women are based on much more than just getting ready for parties, talking about other people and taking photos on holiday. They can and do involve all those things, but they also make for educational, challenging and rewarding partnerships. Especially as you meet people from further afield, just as valuable yet so different from your original primary school playmates. Nor am I suggesting that friendships between women aren’t immune to the slow decline that can grasp and shrink friendships over time. But who’s to say that the kind of strong bond between two women I’m describing can’t be formed, had, ended and later appreciated with a content kind of nostalgia?
And then there’s the laughter. The laughter and the embarrassing stories and the shared experiences make for belly-aches, choked back tears and hungover but blissful mornings picking apart the mess of the night before. I realise that perhaps I’m writing an overly idealistic depiction of my female friendships, but this is supposed to be a love letter after all... In fact, the messy bits are worth loving as well. These friends that we get to know inside and out will drive us crazy with their idiosyncrasies, questionable behaviours and flawed decision-making skills. Undoubtedly, you will do the very same to them. But in the best cases - for each tiff, or moment of disbelief - there remains the unspoken agreement of acceptance and care. And, as the years go by and the lucky ones find themselves still in solid female friendships the joy and the laughter return as together you might look back on the many mistakes each has made. As life carries on in its relentless way, and various people make their entrances and exits, to take comfort in a reliably loving friendship is perhaps the greatest gift of all.
